Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What is a girl to do?? POAS!

My period arrived for the first time post baby in December. I marked my calendar. I counted my days. This isn't my first rodeo. And wouldn't you know it, I was late.

I had a hard time deciding what to think about being late. My periods weren't like clockwork until I got on clomid. It was totally normal to have 28 day cycles, 32 day cycles, 42 day cycles, etc. But the calendar said I was a week late. What is a girl to do???

Well, I had planned to wait it out. No need to test. I was pretty sure we hadn't had sex at any "peak" times. I'll just wait it out. But my period didn't come and didn't come and didn't come. The calendar kept inching farther from my expected start date and closer to my best friend's bachelorette party. What is a girl to do???

So I stopped by Target to grab a few more items for my bachelorette bag of honeymoon goodies and decided to pick up a pregnancy test. (I got the 2 pack.) Woke up early Friday morning and tested. I waited my 3 minutes and the test said NO. Of course I felt the strangest mixture of emotions. Part of me was so sad. I want to be able to get pregnant on my own. Another part of me was okay though because I don't think we're ready for baby #2 just yet.

Later that afternoon as I was throwing last minute items into my suitcase my period arrived. Nice.

So, no September baby for us....which is fine and slightly depressing at the same time.

I've been down the road of infertility before. Why do I still think I make the timelines and schedules? Why do I still think I'm in control? Why can't I let go and trust the Lord?


Blogger katd said...

I STILL struggle with this. It's been so many years, and I still have cycles where if I'm a day or more late, I want to test. It's crazy.
I know totally what you mean, though, about the mixed bag of emotions. Trust is a tough thing to master, isn't it? :)

12:14 PM  
Blogger docgrumbles said...

I can relate.

Here I am not even cleared for sex again after giving birth, and I keep thinking I should replace the batteries in my fertility monitor. The game becomes an addiction, even when you are not ready for the actual possible result of it.

3:17 PM  

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