Saturday, September 29, 2007

On the ledge....

So today I went to get my hair cut. The girl who cuts my hair, Shannon, is awesome. Her mom and my mom are good friends and they were our neighbors in high school. Anyway, she asks me about being an aunt and stuff so I show off pictures of my beautiful niece, Ava. Then she starts to tell me about how she is going to be an aunt in April.....her brother's girlfriend is pregnant. Okay, whatever. Then she says, "How's IVF going for you?"

Umm...WHAT??? I'm struck dumb for a second. She asked me seven weeks ago (at my last appointment) if we were going to have kids and I said something along the lines of "hopefully" so she asked, "Are y'all trying?" So, I said "Yes." I didn't want to lie but I didn't go into the IVF details.

Back to the conversation today in the with my head in the sink I say something like, "It's going good. We're just waiting to see if it worked."
Shannon: Yeah. Your mom told my mom that y'all were doing IVF. So what exactly did they do?"

So I start explaining the IVF basics to Shannon and the hair wash girl in the middle of the salon while trying to control my anger. I'm livid with my mother. I cannot believe she told Shannon's mom. This means other hometown ladies know too. It also means that their daughters know......some of which are my age and while we've known each other since 6th grade we aren't close friends or anything.

WHAT THE HELL MOM???? She told the hometown people about my IVF?!?!!? I'm so frustrated and upset right now......for two reasons:
1) If this IVF doesn't work then how many gosh darn people am I going to have to explain that to?? JW and I prayed about it for weeks before sharing with our Life Group at church and there are other couples in our Life Group dealing with of them even did IVF and it was hard for us to share it with them. It is on thing to share your disappointment with your family and close friends but casual acquaintences?? Oh dear. I didn't even want to tell the people I work with that I see everyday and actually like!!!!
2) If this IVF does work than so many people will know we are pregnant right off the bat! This is so stressful to me because I know that nothing is guaranteed in this world.

I'm not embarrassed that we are doing IVF. I think that once we have a baby I won't have a problem telling people that yes we had trouble and yes our baby is a miracle.....but holy crap! I really didn't want the whole hometown knowing my business while it is going on!!!! This incident also makes me think that my mother has told our extended family which totally takes away some of the excitement of telling them we're pregnant if we are.....not to mention the fact that we wouldn't have wanted to tell them for a few weeks.

I know I'm probably being dramatic due to all the hormones coursing through my body right now (although JW was also angry when I told him).....but I'm just tired of other people airing our IF laundry out to the world. So here is the new rule:
You can know about our infertiliy and what we're doing about it IF I tell you face to face or you read my blog. If I know you in real life then you are NOT allowed to share my experience or information with ANYONE without my permission!!

Well, I was up on a ledge but now after venting I feel a little better so I'm going to get JW to massage my PIO injection areas and then I'm tucking my hormonal self into bed.



Blogger Meghan said...

I would be LIVID!!! I can totally see my mom doing something like this. I just told her about our IF in general last week and that's the reason I'm not going into any details with her.

Hope it all dies down for you

5:56 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

I have been reading your blog on a fairly regular basis now as we, too, have become part of the IF community. We do have a 7 year old daughter but now suddenly after a year of trying I'm told I'm not ovulating, etc. Of course, I'm 39 which is lots older than you! But you are lightyears ahead of me in information.

I've told only my sister in law and one close friend. I completely understand your feelings about telling people what you're going through, etc. I haven't even told my mom. She would be telling everyone or worse, making it about her and she'd all of a sudden have lots of migraines because she's "worried" about me. I know this because she does this with my daughter who has a brittle bone disease and fractures frequently at the moment.

Keep your head high and your spirits up. You're doing something that is going to be so amazing in the long run. I know you're angry and maybe your mom reads your blog? A good way to tell her if she does! Keep your eye on the prize. Not that your feelings aren't valid -- they completely are --- but remember that you don't need the extra stress of outside influences at this moment in time.

Take care of you. I'll be reading,

10:12 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

In my opinion, one of the worst aspects of IF (except for no baby of course) is that people did know. We wanted people to know what we were going through but once we did get that BFP we couldn't be normal and keep it secret for 12 weeks. It was just another example of something IF steals from us.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Fertilize Me said...

WOW - i was outed at work this past week and I was freakin out! I can't imagine how uncomfortable that hair cut was . I am so sorry that you had to put up with that

11:55 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...

I just came on to your blog through another girl's who is dealing with IF. This entry made me laugh so hard because I felt like I could have written it. After I specifically told my mom not to tell ANYONE, and I even listed the specific people I was talking about, she did anyways. I know that you wrote this entry a long time ago, but it helped me laugh off some stress today. I am currently in India doing IVF. It's encouraging to read about others who have been through it and worked.

3:14 AM  

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