Our house....

I've watched the show Jon and Kate Plus 8 on a couple different occasions. I know people have lots of mixed feelings about the show but overall I like it. Sometimes Jon and Kate speak harshly to each other or to their children. However, I think the show in general is very real. I have no idea how having a child is going to change my relationship with JW....and I certainly can't imagine how trying to raise 8 kids has changed their relationship. I have a friend who once blogged about how she hates the show because she thinks Kate is negative and always gripping about stuff--specifically gripping about her husband. And although I do want to be a wife who builds my husband up I also know that I extend Kate a lot of grace. First, she's raising 8 kids--6 of them are 3. Second, Jon and Kate conceived their children through infertility treatments.

Anyway, this post isn't really about Jon and Kate except that I watched an episode lately where she was talking about the house they lived in before the sextuplets were born. She kept referring to it as "our house." She then clarified to say, "This is where we live but that house is our house."

And this is how I feel about my current house. It will always be "our house." It is the first home JW and I bought together. It was an escape from a crazy apartment complex (that's a whole other post though). We bought this 4 bedroom house just a few months after JW passed the bar exam and started practicing law. We'd been trying to have a baby for about 4 cycles at that point. This house had a room that would be a perfect nursery. There is a play fort in the backyard with a sandbox. The street is quiet and is in one of those neighborhoods where I saw us playing with our kids out front as well as in the backyard.
We have made so many memories in this house. Most of them are good and involve guests we've had come stay or parties we've hosted. Some of the best ones involve our small group from church hanging out, worshipping the Lord and praying in our living room.
This is also the house where we mourned 20 failed cycles. This is the house where I gave myself that first gonal-F shot and felt totally tough--until my ovaries blew up to the size of softballs a week later and I thought I might die. This is the house where I told JW that we were finally going to be parents and where we'll bring our baby home from the hospital.
This is OUR house.

And today we signed a contract to sell OUR house. We're moving to be closer to JW's job and to family. It really is a good thing but I'm mourning leaving our house. I just can't believe that our baby isn't going to grow up here. Our small group won't be meeting here anymore. Our baby won't play on the fort out back. That room that is ready to be "the perfect nursery" is still just white walls and plain carpet. There is a ton of baby stuff in there now but it is all just waiting to be packed and moved.

And the new house....well, we haven't found one yet. We've been looking and we just haven't found anything worth considering. Part of the problem is that real estate is more expensive in the area we're moving too....so we'll get less house for our money. But the main problem is that I really believe I already live in a perfect house....so other houses have a lot to live up to.

So, like Kate I can see myself telling someone, "This is where we live but that house is OUR house."

I know that in the end though houses aren't really that important. Home is what is important. I know that wherever we land it will be home because JW and the Peanut will be there. I want to hold the things of this world with open hands and not clenched fists. I want to focus on what is truly important but I may need a little more time to mourn this house.

Of course we have to move out by July 15th....so I'd better pack while I mourn.