Monday, September 03, 2007

People make this look so easy....

I just feel jealous. I've been reading friends' blogs. I see their cute kids and their precious babies and I'm just jealous. So many of my friends seem to have gotten pregnant rather easily and are now holding their babies....while we still wait. There are several friends who have announced their pregnancies and I've thought "I'll be pregnant soon too. How fun to be pregnant together?!?!" Some of those babies are almost a year old.

And eventhough we've started this whole IVF process I'm still jealous about the easiness of achieving pregnancy for some people. Tonight is one of those nights when I just want to shout "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" It's not fair that I have to give myself shots and go to the doctor a million times. It's not fair that we can't just do this on our own in the privacy of our own home or at a nice hotel on a vacation. It's not fair to have to deal with side effects from all this crazy medication. It's not fair that we can't be surprised by a pregnancy test but will instead anxiously count the days and wait for a phone call that hasn't been positive once. It's not fair that we have to try to summon hope in the face of months of disappointment. It is not fair that we've been on this road for 24 months and counting. It's just not fair!!

Now that I've thrown my temper tantrum. I also know that life isn't fair. I know that I really wouldn't want what I really deserve or what is really fair. I know that I am blessed and that God is working his purposes for good.

But just for tonight I wish it was easy. I wish it was easy.


Blogger katd said...

It is SO unfair, and it is totally okay for you to throw tantrums sometimes...whenever you want, actually! There was a girl I worked with who had TWO babies while I was trying for one. Talk about wanting to smack someone:)
It's so frustrating, so don't feel bad about expressing that. Especially on your blog - let it all out, sister! :)

6:01 AM  
Blogger Searching said...

Nope, life sure isn't fair. I'm sorry you had a bad night. :( Tantrums are okay though, shows you care alot about your baby-to-be and that you are perfectly human. Sending you some hugs today!

6:04 AM  
Blogger andrea_jennine said...

I've felt the same way so many times. Hang in there, and fix your eyes on the Savior.

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul." Ps. 94

6:44 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

yup, i agree

3:51 PM  
Blogger Meghan said...

vent away, tantrums always make me feel at least a little bit better. And you're right, it is all completely unfair

5:20 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

You are totally justified in your feelings. It IS unfair. And we all need to throw a fit sometimes. It keeps us sane :)

7:41 PM  
Blogger hope548 said...

Amen sister! It's good to get it out.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Mark & Christine said...

i wish it was easier for you too. and i'm praying like crazy that you have a happy call at the end of this cycle. if it counts for anything, i think you deserve it. :) all this waiting and working is hard and it's definitely ok to feel frustrated and disappointed during this process -- you wouldn't be human if you didn't. you feel that way b/c of how prepared you are to be a mom -- and you'll be a great one when your time comes. i just can't wait til then...b/c i know my little niece(s)/nephew(s) will make all this waiting and working well worth it!

11:22 AM  

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