Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Sticky Note...

One of the huge transitions in my life right now is leaving my job. I've worked at the same school for 6 years. I started out as a first year math teacher who had just graduated from college. I didn't know anyone. I was a little deer caught in the headlights of my first real job. And now I'm the student advocate who works with at-risk kids to develop academic intervention plans so they can get on track. 6 years. It is a long time to be one place. Overall, I've loved it. I've been very lucky to come to work at a fun place with great people.

The last week or so I've been trying to wrap things up in anticipation of not only the end of the school year but Peanut's arrival as well. I've pretty much been leaving things everyday in enough order that "just in case" I didn't come back to work people would be able to find stuff. So this afternoon I've been putting the final touches on gathering my personal belongings. JW brought home the big boxes of books and stuff yesterday. Today is just gathering up little things and cleaning out all the junk that needs to be thrown away so the new girl can move in.

Which brings me to the sticky note. On the side drawer of my desk is a simple sticky note. It says "Dr. K" and has his phone number. Dr. K--our fertility specialist. I stuck it there in February of 2007 when I scheduled our consultation appointment. I kept it there through 3 IUIs and our IVF cycle because I can never remember phone numbers and it sure beat looking it up everytime. In a true testament to the power of the sticky part of the sticky note it has never fallen off of that drawer. Not once. It has stuck there for a year and 4 months.

Pulling off that sticky note brought forth so many emotions. I actually started crying although I can't really put my finger on why. I think part of it is a realization that this isn't going to be my desk anymore. That I'm really leaving a job I love. But I think most of it is all the emotion that is wrapped up in this journey to parenthood.
And honestly, that's the weird part. Dr. K and his phone number symbolize so much of this journey. I think that's why the sticky note was still there even 7 months after our last appointment. We finally scheduled that consultation after trying on our own for a year and trying 6 cycles of clomid with my OB/GYN (2 of those with IUIs). JW and I both liked Dr. K so much from the beginning. He was so positive and upbeat. It was encouraging and just what we needed. Our first IUI with Gonal F was a disaster. I had way too many follicles. We aspirated some of them which TOTALLY sucked. I wound up in the ER a few days after the actual IUI because my ovaries were the size of softballs. And we didn't get pregnant....it was one of the lowest points on the entire journey. The next two IUIs were also unsuccessful so we moved on to IVF.

And here we are today....days away from the arrival of our IVF miracle. As I pull off that sticky note I'm so thankful for Dr. K's encouragement and I'm again kind of sad that he doesn't actually deliver these miracle babies he helps create. Of course I can't wait to mail him Peanut's birth announcement.
I'm just not sure what to do with the sticky note. The logical side of me tells me to throw it away. I won't need Dr. K's number again for a while. Since we're moving I figure I'll be monitored by a different RE for our next round. But he has our frozen embryo so I know he'll play some part--even if it is just shipping.
The crazy side of me tells me to keep the sticky note. Throwing it away seems wrong. That it somehow belongs pressed into the pages of a scrap book or journal or something. Should I scan it and add it as a pic to this post? It is more than a sticky note but at the same time just a sticky note.
We'll see....

5 Comments:

Blogger A New Beginning said...

Add it to the post or baby book. It is an important step in how that baby is getting to you in the first place.

7:53 AM  
Blogger The Petersons said...

Amy,
You don't know me, but somehow I stumbled across your page and have been following your journey. I just had to put my 2 cents in here...I say that is definitely scrapbook material.

I had a miscarriage 2 summers ago and the thought of that baby is my head everyday. Since then, I have been blessed with a baby girl who will be 18-months-old Saturday. Keep that sticky note. It will always be a reminder to you of the journey that God led you through.

And the emotional parts do get a little worse before you'll stare into your baby's eyes for the first time. I guarantee you that ALL of this will be so worth the wait.

Can't wait to see pictures of your little bundle of joy!

7:54 AM  
Blogger Mark, Christine, Ava & Cuatro Danuser said...

KEEP IT. It's important, it's symbolic, it's a perfect reminder of the ups & downs you guys have faced & made it through to this happy ending. Great baby book material too. Love you!!

8:10 AM  
Blogger gracechild said...

I think you should keep it in your wallet or journal or something until you really decide what you want to do with it. Better that than to throw it away and have regrets later. It's another story for you to tell the baby

10:53 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

That sounds like a very important sticky note that should not be thrown away. I would put it in Peanut's baby book!

4:59 PM  

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