Sunday, February 17, 2008

No clever title....

This weekend was all about productivity for us. First, let me explain that usually weekends are not a time when I get a lot accomplished. There have been times I've come home from work on Friday and not left the house until church on Sunday morning. Yes, I realize how thrilling that makes my life sound but oh well.
Anyway, JW and I had big plans for this weekend. Saturday we went to the baby furniture store and ordered our crib and dresser for the nursery. We've been there several times to browse and it was nice to finally make a decision. The sales lady told us it would take 8-12 weeks for the crib to come in which is ridiculous but should still be enough time before Baby W makes his/her appearance. The sales lady also tried to sell us the rails that make the crib into a bed. This isn't really a feature that I'm interested in but I actually heard myself say "Well, when this baby moves out of the crib it will probably be because we're moving a second baby into it." Then in my head I thought "What the heck is wrong with you? Are you really making plans for baby #2? Haven't you learned anything from this journey?" I know that the plans for our family aren't mine to make but that the Lord is ultimately in control of when, how and if children are added to our family. And yet honestly I do often think that we'll just conceive #2 on our own. We have unexplained infertility and even the doctors agree that it could happen without medical intervention. JW's job change means we don't have infertility coverage which makes the prospect of more IVFs a little daunting. We have already committed that no matter what we will go back for our frozen embryo from IVF #1. I feel committed to give that baby a chance.

Then we decided to go to Babies R Us to register. This was an interesting experience. JW and I walked up and down the aisles and I picked the items that I've heard good things about from other moms or seen other moms using. I guess the good thing about wanting a baby so long and watching TONS of your friends have babies is that when it is finally your turn you at least know what to buy. JW had tons of questions about what things were, how they worked and why we needed them. Overall we had a good time.
Although the entire time we were at Babies R Us there were constant reminders of why I dislike the store so much. There were pregnant women EVERYWHERE. And of course I still felt some of those infertile pangs and longings....even though I'm having a baby now too. The other reason is that it seemed on every aisle were young teen moms registering with their mothers or their friends. Anyone who has dealt with infertility knows that my reaction to these young women wasn't "Shame. Shame." but was instead thoughts about how pregnancy came so easy for them and honestly jealously over that. I know this is completely ridiculous and I hope y'all will forgive me but it is just a weird reaction from walking the journey of infertility. Although I'm pregnant I still struggle with jealousy that it happens so easily for some people. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone of course but I just sometimes wonder why it was so complicated for us.

This post actually turned out a lot longer than I anticipated. Now I need to figure out what to wear to work tomorrow since I don't get President's Day off....I'm not complaining though because as a school employee I have an entire week off in March.....Woohoo!!


Blogger A New Beginning said...

I just wanted to let you know how much I agree with you. First of all, I am not an infertile, so I do not know where you are coming from, but I have read so many of the blogs (and I know this still doesn't compare either).

But I also dislike seing teenagers having babies. And these drug-attics having mutiple babies only to have them taken away. I know this sounds hateful, but it just doesn't seem fair.

5:06 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

Congrats on getting so much done this weekend!!!!

11:38 AM  
Blogger katd said...

I am right there with you. Those old feelings of jealousy occasionally still rear their head, even though I have the most wonderful daughter.
Here's looking ahead to your week off in March! :)

11:34 AM  

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