Monday, January 28, 2008

Baby comments from teenagers....

I work at a middle school. I coach 7th grade cheerleaders. I work with teenage girls in our church's youth group. I spend a lot of time with girls aged 12-16. Here are some of the great conversations I've had this week:

Conversation 1:
The girls at cheer practice asked me if we knew if it was a girl or a boy yet. Alex and Tarah are two girls on my squad.

Me: We aren't going to find out. We're going to be surprised.
Tarah: What? How do you have a baby shower if you don't know what it is?
Me: Um, I guess you just get the things that all babies need whether they are girls or boys.
Tarah: Like diapers?
Alex: Yeah. And bottles.

Isn't it great to know that despite the multi million dollar baby product industry all I'll really need is diapers and bottles??

Conversation 2:
Courtney: When is your baby due?
Me: Early June. Right after school let's out.
Courtney: That's cool. You should wait and have it in July because that's when my birthday is.
Me: It would be great to have the baby on your birthday but I don't think I can hold the baby in for four extra weeks.
Courtney: Oh yeah. I guess.

Conversation 3:
Jessica: Is it a boy or a girl?
Me: We aren't going to find out.
Jessica: So, it'll be a surprise.
Mariah: That's stupid. Why would you do that?
Me: Umm....

Now, although I was a little caught off guard Mariah's comment of "that's stupid" wasn't totally unexpected. Mariah thinks lots of things that adults do or say are stupid. The funny thing about this conversation is that I don't really have a great answer for "Why would you do that?"....except "Because we don't want to know." Mariah went on to tell me how it is "stupid" to wait until after the baby gets here to buy clothes or to paint the nursery green. The funny thing is that I've had plenty of adults tell me the same thing....they just have a little more tact so they don't blurt out that they think we're stupid or insane....they just say it behind your back :)

Sonogram pics....

We had our 20 week sonogram last week. I was actually freaking out a little bit in the days leading up to the sonogram but everything looked great. Everything was measuring right and looked good. I specifically asked the sonographer if the baby's head seemed large because I come from a family of large headed babies. We even out over time and don't have freakishly large heads as adults but the baby heads are HUGE. This is frightening to me as I consider a vaginal delivery of a baby with an enormous head. She reassured me though that the head seemed normal.

We did not find out the sex....yes, on purpose. We decided after our BFP that if it was two babies we'd find out but we'd keep it a surprise if it was just one. So, when that 7 week sonogram showed one heartbeat it was decided to let Baby #1 be a surprise.

Below are two sonogram pics. The first one is of the baby's face. It looks like the head is open but it didn't really look like that on the sonogram. The second one is a side shot of the spine.

I'll be honest....seeing our baby on the sonogram waving his/her hands and feet was amazing. It was 1 billion times better than I ever imagined during all those ovary sonograms at the RE's. Sometimes I can't believe that it has already been a year since our last failed clomid/IUI cycle and our decision to move on from my OB/GYN to Dr. K. Looking back it seems like the time flew by although I know from the reality of living it that every failed month felt like an eternity. Infertility sucks. I wouldn't want anyone to have to deal with it.....but I also know that it all seems worth it when I feel this baby kick me and see his cute little face on the screen (although he doesn't seem that cute in the pic).
And yes, I often refer to the baby as a he because 1) i think it's a boy and 2) because we have settled on a boy's name but the girl's name is still up in the air so it is just easier if it is a boy. :)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Fight on....

Infertility sucks. It just does. Even if you have faith and are upbeat and trust that someday you'll have a family...the denial of something you want is frustrating and sucks.

Our friends, T and N, found out on Friday that their second fresh IVF didn't work. So, they have two failed fresh IVFs and a failed FET. I know they are frustrated. She has great response. She produces lots of eggs. Their embryos have grown to 5 day blasts after both retrievals. They transferred two and froze 3 after the first retrieval. They transferred two awesome looking embryos this time around. I know it is difficult to question "Why? Why? Why?" and have all experts say "We don't know."

They are on a shared risk program and have two more fresh tries included in their package. They are waiting until June though because they are both teachers and have to miss work to go to their clinic (which is in another state).

There is a part of me that wants to ask 1000 questions about "are you doing this? did your doctor say this? what about another clinic closer to home? have y'all tested this?" etc. And although I want to ask all these things because I care about them I also know that they don't need 1000 questions. They just need support. They need acknowledgement that infertility sucks....that failed cycles suck. They need held hands and hugs are they question themselves about what is going on with their embryos and where to go from here.

They need prayer. We're offering that and food....I mean, that's what friends are for.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Weekend Highlights....

Friday night---Mexican food! YUM!

Saturday--babysat my niece Ava. She's almost 5 months old and is getting SO fun. She laughs so much and loves to play with her toys. She is also rolling all over so you can't take your eyes off her for a minute....okay, in all honesty we haven't been able to take our eyes off her since my sister brought her home because she is just so darn cute. JW was so good at holding her, feeding her and entertaining her when I was tired.....but he did leave all the diaper changing up to me.

Sunday--I felt the baby move for the first time!! It was crazy and wonderful. We have our next ultrasound a week from today and I'm so excited to see our little one again.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Microwave issues....

The school building I work in is really old. You can tell that parts were added to the original building or that certain areas were remodeled in an "Oh, we need this now" sort of way. The front office of the school is kind of difficult to find. I drove around the building twice when I first came to interview here. I met one of my best friends at work because she was wearing a suit and wandering through the halls looking for the office (so glad my principal hired her so we could become friends).

Anyway, I have a small office with no windows. There is however a large vent on one of the walls....and on the other side of that wall is the kitchenette area of the office. The kitchenette has a sink, microwave and small fridge. It is nice to be able to heat up breakfast or lunch etc without having to trek down to the teacher's lounge. The bad part is that because of the vent my office smells like whatever is happening in the kitchenette. For example, each morning when the coffee is brewed my office starts to smell like french roast or whatever flavor has been chosen that morning.

Mornings aren't is the afternoon when I have issues. People start using the microwave and all sorts of weird smells wash over my office. Stews, leftovers, Lean Cuisine meals and the list goes on and on. I guess I should point out at this point that I have a hyper sensitive sense of smell. My family used to call me "The Nose" and not because my nose is big but because I can smell EVERYTHING.

And I'm starting to have serious issues with what people are microwaving in the office. I may have to post some rules on the microwave. They might look like this:

1) FISH. If you've brought fish for lunch go to the lounge to heat it, better yet just throw it out because even the idea of leftover, reheated fish is disgusting. This rule applies twice for salmon.

2) POPCORN. It's salty and delicious but my office will smell like it forever. No thanks.

3) All other foods must be approved by AMY before heating.


Don't you think I'll be popular in the office??
It is all in the name of sanity and getting work done though since I had to leave my office and seek refuge elsewhere today so the salmon smell could clear out.

Update on T....

Well, my friend T had her retrieval and all went well. They got 16 eggs...she has rockstar ovaries. Several fertilized and they transferred two back this morning. She is resting today and they are coming back to Texas tomorrow. They should also find out how many will be frozen tomorrow as well.

And the beta wait begins......time ticks so slowly sometimes.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Keep your fingers crossed for T...

My friend T is a real life friend traveling the IF journey too. Her husband, N, is a cancer survivor and they moved straight to IVF to use the sperm he banked before his cancer treatments started. They did their first IVF in July, transferred two great embryos and walked away empty handed. They tried a FET in August, transferred three and still negative. Due to some special circumstances with N's sperm sample they are using a clinic in Northern Virginia. We live in Texas so it poses a few problems as far as the frequency of appointments. Any of you who visit an RE can imagine the issues and problems they have.

Anyway, N & T spent Christmas and New Year's in Virginia at their clinic for another fresh IVF attempt. T's numbers skyrocketed above 5000 and it looked like their cycle was going to have to be cancelled. However, as of today her levels are back down to 1850....PRAISE THE LORD!....and their retrieval is scheduled for Friday.

So, please keep your fingers crossed for T as they approached retrieval and transfer. They've spent a lot of time in Virginia at this point and things are getting a little sticky with needing an extra few days off from their jobs. We are praying that this will be the cycle that the Lord blesses them with a baby (or two).