Thursday, November 29, 2007

Here's to you....

JJ at Reproductive Jeans had the idea to give shout-outs to the blogs that inspired you to start yours.

First and foremost the blog that really got me started was Stirrup Queens. Not only do I totally agree that Mel's thoughts are always "spot-on" but I love the virtual lushary and the hundreds of blogs on her blog roll. Just scrolling through the list makes you feel less alone.

Secondly, I have to admit that I was totally inspired by my many real life friends and their baby blogs. It seemed like suddenly everyone was blogging about having a baby.....and I didn't have one and I needed a place to talk about that. Especially because when this blog started we hadn't really told anyone about our struggles.

And now there are so many of you that I read regularly. I love when my bloglines shows you have updated. Your stories touch my heart. There are so many posts I've read that have helped me put my own feelings into words--for myself and for others.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Another awkward pregnancy moment....

So, I thought the awkward moments of pregnancy would be defined by belly pats or questions about the baby being "natural" .....then I sent out an email and experienced the most awkward moment of pregnancy yet.

You see I sent out an email to a group of friends from high school who I still keep in touch with. There were about 8 people on the email. It basically said that I wasn't going to go to the 10 year reunion because our baby is due the day of the reunion. I did state in the email that I would hopefully see all of them at the two weddings that are coming up in February and March. The grooms of these weddings (Matt and Brian) were both on the email list. I've gone to school with these boys since the 6th grade....and long story short I dated one of them (Brian) in high school. We've all remained friends. Brian has met and hung out with JW several times. I adore Brian's fiancee. It's been over 10 years and we're all just friends.

Anyway, one of the boys (Matt) writes back:
"Congratulations Amy and Brian! That is great news! Can't wait to meet the little girl or boy."

It is also weird because Matt totally knows my husband and has hung out with him tons. His brain is obviously fried right now by law school finals but it doesn't change the fact that he sent out an email congratulating me and an old boyfriend on having a baby....oh, and yes, Brian was on the reply all list too.

Things I'm thankful for....

1) My amazing husband
2) Our baby
3) My family and friends
4) My sweet schnauzer, Monty.....even if he does take up more space in a bed than a 20lb dog should
5) Our great church. It is small but we love it!
6) Medical insurance
7) That I have a job I enjoy and that my husband has a job he enjoys
8) I'm most thankful for a God that loves me and for His provision throughout my life and the gift of eternal salvation.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

What I did for Thanksgiving....

This year for Thanksgiving we drove to my grandparents' house in Iowa. It is just about 700 miles from our doorstep to theirs. JW was worried that it would take forever becasue I was going to have to stop ever five miles to use the bathroom. We made it in about 12 hours though and only stopped about 5 times. And then the fun began....

I love going to my grandma's house. It is unlike anyone else's. The entire family converges from around the country. This year we were 22 strong including my super cute 3 month old niece. My grandma's house has four bedrooms but has a big finished basement. There are three bathrooms but one of them is in my grandparents' room which I've been inside of once in my entire life. So, twenty of us are sharing two bathrooms....and only one of them has a shower. You can imagine the hot water situation.

Highlights from the trip:

1) We pulled into my grandparents garage after driving for 12 hours. We experienced misty rain that froze on the car through much of Kansas and Nebraska. Our car was a mess. After unloading, my grandmother asked JW to go clean up the "lake" his car had caused in the garage. So, JW and my dad spent about twenty minutes or so trying to wipe up the puddles from our car. The towel would get soaked so JW was wringing out a soaking wet towel outside when the temperature was in the teens.
Obviously I played the pregnancy card to get our of this one.

2) We shared a room with my sister, her husband and their 3 month old baby. I was really nervous how this would go. Everyone kept saying it would be "good practice." As if someone really needs to practice waking up to a crying baby in the middle of the night. My awesome niece Ava though is a pro sleeper and didn't bother us at all.

3) My 6 year old cousin was playing some type of pretend pirate game with JW and my brother in law....I'm not sure how the whole thing started but he insisted his name was "Arrg" through much of Thanksgiving weekend. He would only respond to "Arrg" and spoke of himself in 3rd person a lot which was hilarious. He also gave JW a pirate name....Fart.

4) My aunt Kim made margaritas. We've NEVER had margaritas at Thanksgiving in my whole life and of course I wanted one SO bad because I can't have one. Honestly though, I'm so thankful to be pregnant even if it means missing out on margaritas until June.

Overall we had a blast. We always leave Iowa with great memories. It was slightly bittersweet as this might be the last time my grandma has the whole family home for the holidays. It is difficult for her to prepare and recover from hosting 20 extra bodies even with my mom and dad's help.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Appointment today....

We went for our first "official" OB visit today. We heard the heartbeat again on a doppler. Again it was amazing. Man it is nerve wracking when they are looking for it though.....worse than waiting to see if your follicles are big enough.
I love my OB. She's great. She answered all our questions, gave us tons of info, talked to us about the quad screen test and CF testing.
No ultrasound today since we had one two weeks ago. I definitely got spoiled at Dr. K's where you get a sonogram everytime you go except for beta testing days. She did a pelvic exam and seemed satisfied that my ovary was shrinking in size.
Tomorrow I'm going to try to figure out how to scan our sonogram pictures from two weeks ago and see if I can post those here.

This whole pregnancy thing is starting to sink in and feel real.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling infertile....

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling infertile. I know I'm pregnant now. I often feel pregnant because I'm nauseous and my pants don't fit. I've seen the medical evidence that I'm pregnant too although I never peed on a stick. It seemed silly to spend money on a test after the blood test proved I was PG.....

Anyway, I still feel infertile though. Maybe infertilily will eventually become just a footnote in our lives but right now it is still a big part of it. People often congratulate me on being pregnant and ask if we're hoping for a boy or a usual response is that "Well, it was such a journey to get this far that we don't really care and we're thinking about not finding out the gender anyway." This is a weird switch for me because I was sort of private about all of our struggles but now that the Gummy Bear is growing I feel like I want people to know this didn't come easy.

Last night I went to the hospital to see a friend of mine who just had a baby. This is my sweet friend who pulled me aside privately to tell me they were pregnant before she told our entire church small group because she knew I might need some time to process. They tried for over a year but finally got pregnant without medical assistance. I've been excited for her the entire pregnancy. So, I went to the hospital where I'll be delivering and held their sweet little baby. When I left I almost started crying in the parking lot because I still can't really grasp that I'll actually be a mommy in 7 months.

It didn't really make any sense. Maybe it's these hormones....I always laugh when stuff gets blamed on the pregnancy hormones....because I felt much more hormonal while popping pills and injecting myself in the stomach with drugs. That was some craziness. Just ask JW. He's so happy to have his "almost normal" wife back.....I'm not totally myself yet but it is better than with all those IVF drugs.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm a bad blogger....

I'm a bad blogger. I've fallen so far behind in blogging. I've been busy at work so I haven't been able to blog on the job and I haven't been bringing my computer home so I haven't blogged at home either.

So far things have been pretty good. Two weeks ago I woke up with a terrible pain up my left side. I couldn't do anything to get relief and after two hours of pain I finally sucked it up and called the doctor. They told me to go ahead and come in. JW took me to the doctor and I laid down on one of the couches in the waiting room. I'm sure the other women there who were all dressed nicely for their OB/GYN appointments were thinking "What the heck is wrong with that girl?" As I lay there in my fleece pants and t-shirt, no makeup, crazy hair, with my whole body rolled up in a ball.
They took me back and we had an ultrasound....a tummy one not a transvaginal!!! It was kind of crazy. And we got to hear the heartbeat. It was amazing. I'm really looking forward to hearing it again when I don't feel like my side is being riped open....but it was still awesome.
The midwife (who I don't really like) came in to tell me that the baby looked fine and she wanted the sonogram to rule out an ectopic pregnancy but that my ovary was enlarged so I'd have to see the doctor.
As I waited for the doctor I thought "I probably could've told them that the pregnancy wasn't ectopic because the egg was never in my tube to start with." I don't really know if this is medically true but it seems that an IVF ectopic pregnancy would be difficult because the blastocyst was transferred to my would it get sucked back up the tube....but I digress.
So Dr. Howell who was on call came in to see me. He was very nice. He seemed a little concerned that my ovary was over 8cm wide. He told me to take it easy for a few days because the pain might've been caused by the ovary twisting. Fun!! The good thing was that he pretty much said it wasn't that big of a deal without making me feel silly for actually coming into the doctor.
I took it easy for a few days and haven't had any significant pain since.

Our next appointment in Nov 19th and I can't wait to hear the heartbeat again!! Woohoo!!