Bloglines...

Do you know about bloglines?? Basically you can enter in all the blogs that you read and it will tell you when they are updated. I LOVE IT!! I regularly read about 30-40 blogs so now I won't have to waste time with checking blogs that aren't updated. It saves so much time!!

Not again.... (Updated)

Last night when I was getting ready for bed I noticed that my stomach was really uncomfortable. I wouldn't call it a pain....just discomfort. Sort of like a menstrual cramp (although I don't really get those). It was uncomfortable enough that I took 2 extra strength tylenol and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning with the same feeling. I'm thinking the cysts are back. I could get out of bed and walk around which I could barely do last time. I decided to call my RE.....he's out of the country so they referred me to their Dallas office about an hour away. So, I'm off to get checked out by the Dallas RE. JW is out of town on business so my mom is going to meet me over there.

I feel like a baby. I feel like they are going to take a look and say "This isn't really a big deal." I feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.....but I also feel that something is not right with me and after our experience a few months ago that kind of freaks me out.

UPDATE: Well, the Dallas RE basically said it wasn't a big deal. He thought my ovaries looked fine on the ultrasound. There was some fluid but he says that is to be expected. The doctor and the sonographer both seemed pretty sure that it looked like I ovulate.
The doctor did mention that I should probably stop doing IUIs and move on to IVF.....it is now official that EVERYONE except our insurance company recognizes this.
Anyway, I went shopping with my mom afterwards and then drove home....I'm still really uncomfortable but I guess I just have to wait it out.

You'd better Belize It....

Okay, I've been meaning to post the pics from our Belize trip since we got back. I wrote the posts once but then the pics were really really small so I had to delete and start over. So I finally made the posts on my other blog and I've decided to just link instead of trying to recreate those posts here since it takes a while to get all the photos right.

So, check out the Belize pics....and if you need a place for a honeymoon, baby moon or a break from TTC-moon, then I highly recommend Belize. It was perfect. Our best vacation yet.....

I'm borderline obsessed...

I think infertility might becoming an obsession for me. I catch myself thinking about it all the time....calculating days on a cycle, figuring out when I need to go to appointments, figuring out when I'd be due if it works this month and when I'd have to tell work and how much of the school year I might miss, etc. And a lot of times I'm just thinking about it in general terms.

But the real sign that I'm becoming obsessed is the blogs I read. I used to read blogs of people I know in "real" life...friends from college and high school and friends who have moved overseas. But now I find myself skimming their blogs and really reading the blogs of women I don't know who are dealing with infertility. I actually sit down at the computer and think about how I haven't read stirrup-queens today or I haven't checked alittlepregnant.com in a while and I wonder if she's updated. (Those are just 2 of many IF blogs read regularly.) It is almost as if I'm not interested in these people that I have real relationships with and am more interested in my computer friends.

Although sometimes I think the real issue might be that a lot of my friends who blog have kids and their blogs are mainly about their kids. I love their children but sometimes it sucks to see their cute faces and read posts about how awesome it is to be a mom. Or maybe I'm just annoyed with certain posts.....like the post today from one of my oldest friends (meaning we've been friends since we were 14....not that she is the oldest in age) about "all of the pain related to giving her son life." I'm not dumb. I've been around LOTS of pregnant girls. I understand that pregnancy can be uncomfortable, that delivery isn't a walk in the park and that your body is all crazy for a while. However, I'm not sure if I needed to know the 14 most awful things that have happened to her since she got pregnant. I clearly remember the most awful day of her pregnancy for me.....it was when she called me last August to tell me that she was pregnant. I remember thinking at the time that I was just about to start clomid and how maybe we'd be pregnant at the same time and have babies close in age. I also remember telling her congratulations and that I was so excited for them.....and I remember her explaining how they were going to be excited too once the shock of this "surprise" pregnancy wore off.

Okay, maybe I'm borderline bitter as well.

"I'm sorry....that sucks."

I decided tonight that these are the words I want to hear when I tell someone about our struggle...especially when I'm telling you as your new baby cries in the background or your belly is about to pop with the one you are expecting. I don't want to hear stories about how someone they know finally had a baby. I just want to hear them acknowledge that it sucks. I want them to acknowledge that it isn't really fair and that it must be hard when things don't happen easily. This is what I want.....well, this and a baby!

I should be at work.

I should've gone to work today. I need to start calling parents of kids who failed our state standardized achievement test. I need to tell them that their kid is going to be in a remediation class next year instead of an elective. I am not looking forward to any of these conversations.

But I didn't go to work today which means I will have to go Tuesday and Wednesday and probably stay for longer than I'd like. My goal is to have everyone called by the middle of next week......we'll see.

I also needed to do research at work for a project that I'm working on for grad school....but I can put that off for a few more days :)

On the IF front, shots are going well.....although I'm pushing so little medication that it seems pointless. I'm intrigued to see how my ovaries are responding to the clomid and small amounts of Gonal-F based on how the ovaries totally FREAKED OUT last time.

Smashed into rock. Pressed down by hard place.

Well, the insurance company denied our request to move on to IVF. They will still cover IVF but we have to do 2 more cycles of IUI with injectibles....despite the fact that my doctor doesn't really think those will work. Awesome, right? So much for getting all those IVF appointment out of the way during the summer. The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

I'm so frustrated.

Update: Actually my RE called and said we can do IUI this cycle because he thinks I'll be ready to go before the lab closes and he goes on vacation. He said that if it takes longer he can send me over to his partner in Dallas's office....which is a little further but it is summer and I'm not working so no big deal.

Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place.

Today is CD1. Cycle 22.

The Rock: Our insurance has yet to approve our IVF coverage. Either they are going to approve for us to go ahead with IVF or they are going to require 2 more IUIs with injectibles.

The Hard Place: We can't do injectibles with IUI this cycle because the lab will be closed one week and my doctor will be out on vacation the next week.

So here's where we are.....we have a couple of options in front of us:
1) Just wait until we hear from insurance and what they say which probably means taking this month off entirely.

2) Go ahead and start the IVF protocol (step #1: birth control pills) and see if the insurance comes through before I need to start the Lupron

3) Call Dr. K's office to see if there is another doctor who can do the IUI if we do injectibles this cycle.

So here we are. We're trying to decide what to do next. Your thoughts? Your experiences?
We, of course, will be praying like crazy over this the next few days and discussing it with our church community but I'm interested in what my friends inside the computer have to say as well.

Put me on the payroll.

Sometimes I feel as if my doctor's office should be paying me. I firmly believe that as a patient you must be an advocate for yourself. I believe that as an IF patient I should be as educated as possible about procedures, what comes next, percentages, side effects and what my insurance will and won't cover. However, I also believe that a great doctor and his staff should make you feel like it isn't so important that you know everything because they know everything and are on the ball about it.

Now, I love Dr. K (my RE) and Dr. D (my OB/GYN) but both of their offices frustrate me to no end. I spoke with Dr. K's office a few weeks ago and they told me that IVF was completely covered. I called my insurance company to make sure. The lady on the phone at the insurance company also told me that IVF was totally covered. At the end of our conversation she asked, "Would you like me to send you a copy of the policy?" I thought, "Why not? Sounds great." A few days later it arrived.....20+ pages of information and medical-jargon. I started reading for "fun" and discovered a sentence on page 3 that dealt with some requirements for covering IVF if you have unexplained infertility. The insurance company requires 3 medicated IUIs (injectible gonadatropins). It says it just like that.....3 medicated IUIs and the injectibles part is in parenthesis.
So, I called Dr. K's office right away to discuss this with them. The insurance girl wasn't there but the receptionist kept saying "but you had 3 medicated IUIs." I kept telling her, "Yes but two were only with clomid." She started to explain how Dr. K puts his patients on clomid and injectibles at the same time......as if I didn't remember giving myself the shots!!! Anyway, I finally talked to Erica and she said she would look into it. I brought her a copy of the policy so she would understand EXACTLY what I was talking about....that was a week ago.
We arrived home from our vacation yesterday (It was awesome....more about that later)....so I called to check on the situation and they are still waiting on some stuff and didn't know BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well I explained that we're on CD 26 here and I needed to know which protocol to start next week.....hopefully they'll get on the ball.

The mail came today and in it was a bill from our RE. We are being charged for our consultation appointment which the insurance won't cover......because the RE's office filed it incorrectly. I spoke with the insurance company and confirmed that yes they cover the consultation but that it is filed incorrectly. I've told Dr. K's office at least twice that they needed to refile and I wasn't going to pay it because it just needed to be refiled.

So maybe Dr. K should just put me on the payroll since I'm the one tracking down whether or not my insurance covers procedures and I'm the one doing the leg work to figure out why they've denied a claim that should've been covered. I wonder if he's accepting resumes. Do I get an employee discount on my treatments??

**Disclaimer: I LOVE Dr. K and Dr. D. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them.....which is why I'm willing to deal with their crazy offices. I actually really like their nurses when I'm in the office and the insurance girl at Dr. K's has been nothing but nice.